Being an HR Manager has it's advantages...

I had another thought this morning that made me rather tickled........I am convinced that I could right a book with nothing but tidbits of stuff that people tell me at work! When you are the HR manager of over 200 people, nothing is off limits and reading Shanen's blog this morning at the little insults that my nephews say to each other gave me the idea to share what I hear at work (I promise I'm not stealing Shanen's great creative blogging but thanks for the idea) As a sign of mutual respect I call everyone of my employees (older than me or younger) by their last name with the applicable Mr. Miss, Mrs., etc in front unless I'm talking seriously to them and then it is my first name so when I hear this stuff I look at the person, shake my head and just say......Mr. _____ you know the answer to that or Miss ______ the answer would be no but it doesn't mean that I did not appreciate you asking. So here are is what I hear:

"Ms. Hambrick can I leave early today?" "Why" "Well the lights in the store are too bright and I think I need to go home and recover from that...." "Mr. Harris, you may leave and recover from that if I get to leave and recover from you asking me that"
Mr. Harris finished his shift

"Ms. Hambrick I need help, I cut my finger!" (Kate grabs the first aid kit and begins to perform first aid) "Mr. Ramsey (who is 46 years old) how on earth did you cut your finger" "One of the teenagers asked me how bad it hurts if you cut your finger on the meat slicer and I told them I didn't know how bad it hurt so I tried it to find out" (after bandaging his finger that did not need stitches thank heavens! and in a calm voice) "Michael, don't ever let me hear that you say or do something that proves a 17 year old is smarter than you again" "Well then Ms. Hambrick you won't want to hear what I told him it felt like" (internal thought-OMG!) "What did you tell him" "I told him it felt like getting drunk and zipping your who-how up in your pants because my buddies and I do that for laughs when we get drunk on the weekends" "Mr. Ramsey-forget my previous statement about being smarter than a 17 year old."

(phone rings in Kate's office) "Ms. Hambrick, there is a person here who would like to get a job." "okay, bring them to my office" "OK-where is your office?" (internal thought-did you come to work stoned or stupid today because I can't really tell the difference) "Never mind I will come get the applicant" "OK" (approaches applicant) "Can I help you" "yes ma'am I need a job" "Why are you looking for one" "Well my brother is the guy that just called you on the phone and I lost my job this morning because I did not pass a surprise drug test." "Why is that" "Because my brother and I smoked pot with our friends last night at a party" "Well then I am afraid you will not pass my pre-employment drug screen and your brother will need to visit me in my office-the one he can't find because he is working while under the influence of drugs" "Oh that sucks!"
(No kidding!!! that employee was let go after I drug tested him. He went home with his big mouth brother)

(called an employee in my office for discipline) "Miss Lee I asked you to visit me today because we need to talk about the piercings you have. As we discussed in your interview and twice after being hired, if you want to work here you may not have the eyebrow ring, the nose ring, the tongue ring or more than 2 piercings in your ears of which you have 5. Do you understand why we don't allow pierces at work?" "Yes Ms. Hambrick" "Why is that" "Because you don't want the customers to get jealous that we look better than they do" (such a bold statement for a little girl about 21 years old who has more holes in her head than a block of swiss cheese) "No Miss Lee that is not why.....there are several reason, food safety, consistent appearance of all employees but most of all your safety. " "Oh (she thinks for a minute) well if I promise to have some other people in my department get piercings can I keep mine" (i kid you not I just put my head down and thought to myself....seriously! is it that had to understand and who the "blank" hired you because it wasn't me.....you would never have been able to pass the count to 10 and tie your shoelaces portion of my interview process! that is me blowing off steam mentally) "Reece, lose the piercings or I will ask a member of management to let you go.....you have had several warnings and I don't appreciate you trying to get out of this by giving me smart mouthed answers." "Oh Ms. Hambrick I wasn't trying to be smart!--I was trying to get out of following the rules" (internal thought-no kidding! Reece did not make it too much longer after that. She was let go when her nose ring got caught on the handle trigger of the deli slicer she was cleaning and ripped it out of her nose.)

"Ms. Hambrick.....can I go home?" "Why" "Because I had a violent explosion of diarrhea before I could make it to the bathroom and it's all over me and I tried to clean it up but it just smeared all over my pants and....." "STOP! that's enough! you may go home" (why couldn't you just say you were sick? do i have a sticker on my forehead that says give me the graphic details!) "Well I thought if I didn't tell you exactly what happened then you would make me stay and then I might crap on the floor in front of a customer." (again-DIDN"T NEED TO HEAR THE LOGIC OF WHY YOU SHARED SO MANY DETAILS) "Nope-I going to let you go home"


There are several more that I could dish out but these remain a few of my favorites! AWWW! The joy of working with people! Young or old-doesn't matter! I have some really charming people!